Five months ago, I was standing in his room, rubbing my belly, terrified of becoming a mother. I was scared of what was coming. Not of the birth, but of...afterwards. What am I supposed to do with a baby? Everyone told me I'd be fine, but I wasn't so sure about that. I was petrified that I wouldn't have that ooey-gooey feeling all women say you get when you see your child for the first time. I was legitimately afraid that he wouldn't like me. What if I just wasn't cut out for this? Then, it happened...the switch flipped. All my previous concerns melted away...and a whole new crop grew in their place.
How do I keep him safe outside of my belly?
Is he getting enough to eat?
Is he supposed to sleep this much?
Is he still breathing?
Within a few weeks I started to mellow out. We were starting to understand each other as mother and child. We were developing our own little language. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with him.
I love his little blonde hairs,
his full, bright red lips,
his toothless smile.
I love the way he buries his head into my shoulder when someone speaks to him,
& the way his eyes seem to look deep into my soul.
I love his giggles & squeals,
& the way he wraps his arms tight around my neck when I pick him up.
I love it when he rests his head on my chest, sucks his thumb, & goes to sleep.
I love him more and more everyday.
He is my greatest accomplishment.
The past five months have flown by. I know I will soon blink and he will be all grown up. But for now, I will enjoy this time, with my sweet baby Wyatt Boy.
